So I’m back…. i can hear the cheers!
this is how my day is panning out: Work…. dull
going home to a dinner party with a bunch of my parents’ friends… dull.. no clue why I have to stick around… but they’ve asked me to ‘help out’ and I feel guilty letting them down.
I know to most people helping family out is a no brainer, and honestly I don’t mind most of the time, the problem is I do it ALLL the time, something breaks… I fix it… if it needs doing .. I’ll end up doing it… to the extent that pay and display parking… I have to call up and do for them.. well I did until I snapped.. why can you pick up a phone and call me and give me all the details but are unable to call the number you’re telling me to call and quote details you’re quoting me so sort yourself out?!?!
the mind boggles.
Here I am trying my best to be a good daughter, not to let them down. Unfortunately I fear no matter how hard I try or how much I do it’s never enough, I always feel like I let my family down and they are ashamed of me and I shame them in one way or another.
It’s become blatantly obvious that my happiness comes 10th to their needs/wants and anything else that can possibly be put ahead of me.
It’s seriously disheartening to realise society interests your parents more than your happiness and needs. The snide comments which are hailed at you because you refuse to conform to society’s idea of beauty or whatever…. ‘u ALWAYS look a mess’, ‘go but DONT show us up’, ‘go but dress appropriately’
Honestly sometimes I feel I am 3 years old and need help with my laces!