I’m back.. and miserable

I know you missed me… been away trying to get ‘bttr’ that worked great..

 

I know i suffer from S.A.D (seasonal affected disorder) so I have been a little better now spring and summer have come our way.. but tbh everything’s still there its just not as grim, so if i was 90% on the depression spectrum I’m now 85% so WOOOHOOO!

 

PAARRRTTTTTTTTEHHHHHHHH!!!

 

nothing changes and the mundane-ness of life is killing me… and the stress of everything is weighing me down

 

I decided to take up a charitable project… honestly today my only thought was …. i cant do it.. who cares if ppl die… i cant cope with the pressure…i took it on cuz I really do care about people and if I can help why shouldn’t i? but turns out a little stress and I collapse.

 

This is made worse by the fact that i seem to be gaining weight unbelievably, even though I feel I’ve cut down from loads of choco a day to none or spread the amount I’d eat in 1 day over 3-4…  NEVER weigh yourself.. so depressing.. since I did all ive wanted to do is eat cuz really no point..

 I seem useless at killing myself so may be death by excessive eating is the answer.. must move to the US and try a Heart Attack burger or something that may actually do it… my current way is slooooooow!

 

hope u guys r keeping well…. im gonna log off… i cant b bothered to even complain (yes things have got THAT bad!!!)